Wednesday, October 18, 2017 marked the start of my 27th year in this life. Every year, I fail to reflect because I’m surrounded by friends and family and friends that have become family who occupy my time and thoughts. This year was different. This year I had a stressful day at work, went to the movies with a work-friend, and grabbed a beer with Martin.
It felt as un-celebratory and ordinary as I did. That’s not to say it wasn’t a good birthday; it was. Just different. It takes me back to a time early in college when I decided not to celebrate birthdays any more. I’m just one day older than yesterday, I would say.
At 27, I still feel 23. Like I just graduated university (though less intelligent) and don’t know yet what to want in and out of life. In my head that’s not true, but it still feels the same. That’s what needs corrected. That’s what this reflection is about.
Where am I right now and where am I going?
“Where am I right now” is the easy question. Texas. Working in retail operations for a billion dollar global corporation. Both of those things I never would have imagined for myself. I’m away from my family, from my partner, from the friends I still reach out to most days. It’s uncomfortable and the discomfort is appreciated. I’m learning myself, growing personally and professionally more than I had in my last years in Cincinnati.
Now, “Where am I going?” I have ideas, which is more than I had last year at this time. Many thanks and much gratitude to my partner who has instigated and supported me in figuring things out.
- I want to build my resume, skillset, and savings through retail operations. Sure, it’s a far cry from my archaeological training, but I’m learning my strengths and weaknesses in a corporate retail environment. I’m being forced out of my comfort zone and being rewarded for my performance.
- I want to develop a deeper understanding of my relationship to gender and what exactly non-binary means to me. How it manifests in my behavior, performance, and thought.
- I want to connect with Indonesian culture. It’s time to follow through with language acquisition and learn cultural context through research and reaching out to family. With the passing of my paternal grandmother, I realize now more than ever the need to connect with family.
- I want to grow with my partner. We have come a long way and I want us both remain open and honest in ways I’ve not had the best examples of.
How do I get get there?
Time to put together a list of actionable steps to meet my goals. List making is the best way to keep track of these, but I’ve learned over the years that once a list gets long, it also gets overwhelming and forgotten. Let’s start with 2 steps per goal.
Work
- Improve Excel skills. Use more formulas and keyboard shortcuts to increase productivity quick data manipulation. Work smarter not harder, they say.
- Document processes (i.e. monthly supply order fulfillment, factory purchase orders for global packaging needs, etc.) Once these are documented, they can be evaluated and streamlined.
Gender
- Educate myself. Read more literature on gender and be critical of that literature. Apply the ideas learned to my everyday interactions.
- Find a therapist by the new year. Seriously this time. I want to speak with someone who can help me use my newfound self-awareness to make a difference in my self-acceptance.
Indonesia
- Learn 5 Indonesian vocabulary words every week for the next month. By the end of the month, I’ll be able to form small sentences.
- Reach out to a family member to catch up and practice my new vocab with every couple weeks. Ask them questions about themselves, our family, and culture.
Relationship
- Write her letters. I’m most critical and honest in writing.
- Try harder to understand her. Put in more time and effort to learn the things she asks and likes.
There you have it folks. The game plan for my 27th year. Please send positive vibes and and good will in this direction. I promise they’ll be returned. I’ll try to check in with my progress, but if I haven’t and you’re curious feel free to reach out and inquire.
Later, peeps.